To the Kitchen We Go
by Empty Thoughts
Summary: Percy and Annabeth find the House of Hades. Hades is not amused. Crack prediction of the House of Hades. Dedicated to Hugs6.


**Take it seriously. Just do it. No one said it has to make sense... just go with it.**

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**For Hugs6 because she's weird and this story is weird so they make a good pair. **

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The first thing Percy realized was ground was hard. Percy realized he'd realized that too many times.

The second thing: Annabeth had grown heavier since the last time she fell on him, not that he would ever even _dream_of voicing that aloud.

He tried to sit up but Annabeth was accidently pinning him down. And she was unconscious. He poked her forehead.

"Annabeth?" No answer.

He poked her cheek. "Annabeth?"

Next he poked her other cheek. "Annabeth, gods, wake up. You're heavy."

He decided to take drastic measures. He plugged her nose. "Annabeth?"

After a minute Annabeth's eyes flew open, she gasped for breath. "What the heck, Percy?"

"You weren't waking up," He shrugged.

Annabeth gave him 'The Look.' 'The Look.' was so special, it had a capital T and a period following it.

"What?" Percy asked.

"I wasn't waking up, so you blocked my nose." She glared. "In what world was that a good idea?"

"Yeah..." He was just beginning to realize it probably wasn't a smart idea. "Sorry?"

Annabeth continued to glare. "We probably shouldn't stay here. We have to find the doors."

"The Dooooor!" Percy said suddenly.

Annabeth recognized where he was going and tried to silence him.

"The Door?" Percy said, "Th-the Door! What is the Door? The Door is everything! The Door controls Time and Space! Life and Death! The Door can see into your mind! The Door can see into your SOUL! Really, th-the Door can do all that?"

Annabeth mentally sighed. Her boyfriend was an eight year old. "Heh, no."

"This is why I love you."

"Let's go." Annabeth said, as she carefully slid of Percy. She winced as her ankle moved. "Ow."

Percy sobered. "I'm sorry." He quickly moved and picked her up bridal style, before she could protest.

"No!" She cried. "Put me down."

Percy blinked before doing as told. "But you're hurt..."

"Yes, I am. And you can't fight if you're carrying me."

"Oh." Percy said stupidly. This is what he got for being chivalrous.

Annabeth sighed and leaned into Percy, together, they hobbled off into the dark, scary distance.

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**10 very annoying monsters later...**

"Please tell me we're getting close." Percy begged.

"How," Annabeth panted, "would I even know if we were close?" She demanded. She was in pain. She was tired. She was annoyed. She was about to murder her boyfriend.

"Maybe you-" He cut himself off. "Oh my gods there's a door. That has to be it. Why else would there just be a random door?"

"Percy maybe we should-" She didn't finish because Percy dragged her to the door and pushed it open without any hesitation.

Percy didn't go in. He stopped and stared. "What the...?"

They stumbled upon a new, modern-day squeaky clean white kitchen. "What-what the heck?" Percy finished his sentence.

The two took the room in with wide eyes.

"What. The. Actual. F-"

"HOLY ME DON'T GET MUD ON MY FLOOR YOU USELESS DEMIGODS." A familiar male voice roared. Percy jumped, almost knocking Annabeth over.

"Ow!" She cried. To steady herself she leaned on the white marble counter.

"DON'T TOUCH MY COUNTER YOU FILTHY PEASANT!" Now the person entered the room. Percy was so surprised he fell onto his bottom.

Wow, the bottoms of his shoes _were_spectacularly muddy.

But anyways, Hades entered the room carrying a mixing bowl and dressed in a pink fluffy apron. It had light pink frills that joyously jumped from one side of the apron to the other, and tiny smiling flowers.

"I hit my head, right, and now I'm in some coma-induced dream." Percy said in disbelief.

"If you get blood on my floor, Jackson..." Hades let the threat hand in the air. "Sweet Zeus you got mud on my floor. Now I have to kill you."

"What?!" Percy's eyes widened. "It's just mud!"

"DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO GET THE FLOOR _THAT_CLEAN?!" Hades roared. Annabeth collapsed in one of the white stools that surrounded the counter.

"Where are we, exactly?" Annabeth wondered.

"Welcome to the House of Hades. The kitchen, more specifically." Hades set his mixing bowl down and tightened his apron (it clashed with his black attire), Percy, who now was standing again, noticed there was chocolate chip cookie batter inside.

"Oddly enough, this is not what I was expecting." Said Percy.

Hades gave a shrug. "It said _house_clearly in the title. It's not my fault you weren't smart enough to figure it out."

Percy huffed.

"Do you have any advil?" Annabeth asked. Hades reached into a cupboard and brought out some ambrosia.

"It could be poisoned, it could not be. I know I had some poisoned ambrosia _somewhere_and Persephone could have moved it around... You never know with that woman."

"Thanks..." Annabeth said. She wasn't sure if she wanted it in the first place, since you weren't supposed to eat food in the Underworld, but ambrosia came from Olympus, right?

"You seem... more... less..." Percy struggled to find the words. "Not immensely put off?"

"House cleaning cheers me up. And I don't have to those wretched souls complain all day." Hades cleared his throat and put on a high-pitched voice. "Hades! I shouldn't be dead, please, let me go back to the living world, whine, whine, whine." Oh look, the scowl was back.

"Shouldn't Persephone be cleaning or something?" Percy asked.

"Do _not_get me started on that woman." Hades growled. Percy was about to say okay, but Hades seemed to ignore his previous statement and started complaining. "She's such a slob."

Percy looked to Annabeth. She shrugged and bit into the ambrosia.

"Just this winter, you wanna hear what she did? She left her _socks_, you got that, her _sock_ on the floor. And _I_had to pick them up. Again. The week before that she left her pomegranate juice glass on the counter. There was a ring, after that. Do you know how hard it is to get rings off this counter?"

"Uh, no?"

"She _always_leaves the lights on. Everywhere she goes, there's a light on. It's so annoying! And power consuming."

Percy realized with a shock, that Hades was the modern day housewife. Of the Underworld.

"I'm about to start making dinner." Hades informed them. "If you ruin my dinner, I will kill you. I highly suggest you leave."

"We weren't planning on staying." Said Percy.

"Good." Hades pulled a pot out of the fridge and put it in the double oven. He started putting the cookie batter in a circle shaped cookie sheet. He flattened it out until it was covering the entire thing.

"Uh, what are you doing?" Percy asked. Annabeth glared, she obviously wanted to leave now.

"Cookie pie. Mortals don't know the best way to make cookies."

"Hades," Annabeth cut in, "Could you please tell us where the Doors of Death are?"

"You expect me to tell you after you got _mud_all over my floor?"

"Yes." Percy said.

"Demigods." He huffed. And then he yelled, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME. YOU GOT _MUD_ON MY FLOOR."

"Look, Uncle Hades, we kind of have to save the world here... so, just tell it where it is."

"Turn right, then it's your fifth door on the left."

"Thanks!" Percy called cheerily. He helped Annabeth, who was still a bit unsteady, out of her chair and they walked to the fifth door on the right.

The door was a dark mahogany, and it seemed thick. Percy had to put pressure on it to get it to open. Together, the stepped through the Doors of Death, which actually just lead to the laundry room.

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Once Hades was sure the two had left, he got down on the floor and flopped down onto his stomach, like he was trying to make a snow angel, but the wrong way. He started rubbing his floor. "It's okay floor, the messy demigods are gone now. Shhh, it's okay."

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**I don't even know what's going on I was like high on whatever and yeah. I should stop with the ringalos. Weee. Review my precious narwhals.**


End file.
